WHOLE BEFORE LOVE
lasting whole love lasting whole love lasting whole love
“We can still have romance, but first we have to complete the circle on our own . . . When we connect romantically with another whole person after that, we create a super-person but it never pulls us from the path of our individual evolution.” – The Celestine Prophecy
How can we find lasting, meaningful relationships?
Throughout time love has been a key theme for poetry, art, music, movies, and much more. Love is such a universal concept that it becomes one of the first things we look for. Especially if we never received it from our parental figures. As soon as puberty hits who we like and who likes us becomes a main focus. So not having anyone reciprocate those feelings is painful.
No matter our stage in life, we all want to find someone who appreciates us and will stand by our side through the best and worst times. But when we search for love from another person it’s not always with the best intentions or for the right reasons. Forcing the relationship when there’s nothing in common, or having too much pain and distrust isn’t healthy for anyone. As the saying goes, “All is fair in love and war”, so we justify almost anything when it comes to love and relationships. But should we?
If we look at the evolution of the love-finding process we can see how much has changed from just a generation ago. It’s become almost too easy to connect with a person anywhere at anytime, which keeps our options wide open. Having too many options might be one of the primary reasons why we’re struggling to find quality relationships. Yet, another reason could be that we’re searching for the wrong person.
It’s not that we’re always deliberately choosing the wrong relationships. It’s that we may think about relationships in a misguided way. When we’re dating or in a relationship we can become consumed by it and lose ourselves in someone else. Then when we get bored or lose the spark we either break it off or stay due to convenience. This cycle continues on until we eventually find “the one” or settle. But this cycle doesn’t have to exist. We can find genuine love that’s filled with mutual support and understanding -as long as we love ourselves first. Then we will find someone who complements us.
When we have self-love we’re accepting ourselves as we are, flaws and all, while still acknowledging that we are whole. This means that nothing and no one can make us feel greater or less than who we already are. By possessing this love we come to realize that anyone who enters our life will enrich us, not complete us. If we keep this mentality when looking for love and relationships, then we’ll begin searching for those who will let us be who we are and vice versa.
No one is perfect. But if we keep looking to be fixed or for someone else to fix, it’s only a matter of time before it all falls apart. Imagine that humans are lifeboats and our imperfections are holes. So when we’re in a relationship, every time we row over and try to patch them up, our own boat begins to sink. We can’t fix someone else’s boat if ours is going under. We need to realize that we only have control over our boat. If we hold onto a relationship that needs fixing both partners need to be willing to do the patchwork. If not, then it’s time to let go.
There’s no use mending something that doesn’t want to be fixed in the first place. So we should begin to look for others that are whole on their own. This doesn’t mean that they’re perfect or completely hole free -none of us are. It means that they take responsibility for their thoughts and actions. They are someone we can be our true, whole selves with. Then together we can complement one another and grow side by side.
Practices & Motivations