whole love practice whole love practice whole love practice

Complement, Don't Complete

Whether you’re looking for a partner or re-evaluating a current relationship, it’s essential to know what type of “ship” you have. It’s not just defining the relationship but making sure you’re both on the same page. Of course it’s important to know what common interests, values, and goals you share. But more than that, you both need to be on the same personal page.

When a relationship starts it’s easy to see past their flaws, all you see is the “honeymoon period” glow. So when the glow starts to fade it’s crucial that you make sure they’re still compatible with you. Not just in your beliefs but in how you treat and respect one another. If we’re all boats and our weaknesses are holes, you need to make sure your partner is taking care of their boat as much as you are fixing yours. A relation”ship” that’s focused solely on fixing the other will still cause one boat to sink. Even if you abandon one of them, the extra weight will still slowly submerge the remaining boat.

This practice is focused on how to find the boat -person- that will complement your own, not complete it. Your boat is yours alone. You should find someone who is taking full responsibility of theirs, while still appreciating and admiring yours for what it is -holes and all.


Before you commit to someone or when you're evaluating your relationship, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is this person trying to change me? Do they tell me directly or insinuate that who I am is not “good enough” for them?
  • Does this person control me? Are they telling me what I can or can’t say and do?
  • Do they respect me? Do they listen to my thoughts and opinions openly? Or are they ignoring what I say and do?
  • Are they invested in my interests? Do they ask about things I’m passionate or excited about?
  • Do they show me their open and vulnerable side? Or do they shut down and avoid conversations about how they feel?


These questions are meant to show if you’re both on the same personal page or not. If you don’t have the same level of interest and respect for one another, there’s someone else out there that will. There are so many varieties of boats in the world and you should find one that has similar holes to yours. Find someone you can share your tools with so you can each continue to fix yourselves, but together.  Then you both can set sail and navigate through life paddling side by side.

Two people in a row boat on a calm lake surrounded by mountains and a sunny sky

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