love lessons love lessons
What do we learn from failed relationships?
Love and pain go hand in hand because the more we love, the greater the capacity for pain exists. It’s a common fault of humans to avoid relationships because of the imminent pain. Whether it’s in 3 months, years, or decades, the presumed fear is that we’re doomed for heartache. Why open ourselves up to that misery in the first place? Many of us are stuck in this fear, so when given the opportunity we back out and cut our losses. Why keep trying to find love if it only brings us suffering?
Even if we’re open to finding love, the majority of us will still encounter break-ups that make us question what the point of trying again is. When we open ourselves up to someone, it’s an opportunity to learn and grow as an individual by sharing our true selves with another. This is a big reason why it’s so terrifying to enter relationships. We are opening ourselves up to criticism on a deeper level. So when pain and heartbreak comes it hits us that much harder and prevents us from trying again. But we still do.
We’re all so vulnerable to the absence of love because deep down it’s what we all crave. Which means it’s worth fighting for. There is nothing easy about heartbreak and there’s not one solution for fixing it. What we need to come to realize is that it doesn’t need fixing, because we’re not broken.
Do we want to return to a relationship that’s unhealthy, dysfunctional, manipulative, or outgrown? It can be easy to talk ourselves into holding onto or going back to an unhappy relationship for various reasons. Perhaps it’s all that we know, it’s comfortable and easy, we’re not “good enough” to find someone else, or we’re afraid to start over. Whatever the reason may be, it’s the fear of change that’s holding us back.
By living in the past we’re hindering our chance for a better and brighter future. We need to be brave and stand up for ourselves when we deserve more and decide to cut the ties. We all deal with pain differently, so we need time to adjust and come to terms with the end of any relationship. Yet with every ending comes a beginning. The best way to make sure we don’t repeat our previous mistakes is by learning from them.
Every time a relationship ends we gain something -pieces of knowledge, judgment, and insight. We need to start focusing on the things we’ve gained instead of what we’ve lost. Not every relationship will be “it”. So instead of looking at it as a painful failure, we can also look at it as a lesson to learn from. What did we learn about ourself? Our beliefs, interests, and goals?
When people come into our lives they each have a uniqueness about them, thus our relationships with them will be different than any other. If we start to look at how and why various relationships have ended, perhaps we can find commonalities and parallels between them. This then gives us a stronger sense of who we are and what we want from a relationship. After we determine our needs then the ball is in our court. Once we know what we want, we won’t -and shouldn’t- settle for anything less. If we begin to use our heartache and pain for a positive purpose, then we won’t be as afraid to try again. It will only allow us to grow in the end.
Practices & Motivations