Begin by writing or typing the names of your previous partners. If you’ve never had a serious, long-term relationship you can still use people that had an impact on you emotionally. Think of dates you’ve had or conversations that went poorly. Any time you’ve felt hurt or let down by someone you were romantically interested in counts.
Once you have your list of names, make a column of concerns. Put in this column any instances or examples of when this person hurt or disappointed you. Perhaps it was when they forgot your birthday, selfishly splurged your money, controlled an important decision, or cheated on you. There are many defining moments in a relationship, so think back to the ones that impacted it negatively or lead to the breakup. Complete this step for each person on your list and try to find 3-5 examples.
After your concerns column create a column of characteristics. Look back at the previous column and for each person write down the characteristics that bothered, irritated, or infuriated you. These can be tied to the examples you gave, such as forgetful, selfish, controlling, or unfaithful. You can also think about other personality traits that always seemed to bother you or tendencies that caused arguments. Maybe they never stopped talking, complained all the time, or always had to be right. Come up with 3-5 negative characteristic traits for each person.
Finally, create one last column of caution. You’ll now look at the previous columns for all of your relationships and try to find the common themes. See if there are overlapping examples or attributes that you’ve deemed unworthy and negative. Make note of anything that occurs more than two times. Because anything that’s happened twice is bound to happen again. The more aware you are of what you don’t want in a partner, the greater the chance you’ll find what you need.