love and hate relationships love and hate relationships love and hate relationships

“In a strange manner, then, hatred is a means of returning to love; and left alone and expressed it is meant to communicate a separation that exists in relation to what is expected.” – The Nature of Personal Reality

Why do we become upset when others disagree with us?

Being human means that we all have the capacity to think for ourselves and make our own decisions. It shouldn’t come as a surprise then when we come across others who are different from us. Still, it can be difficult to communicate and interact with those who differ from us. Many times it’s because we don’t understand them or where they’re coming from. So we often choose to be around others who are similar to us.

Whether it’s due to social standing, beliefs, education, etc., similarities give us a sense of ease and common ground. Instead of trying to understand and interact with those we don’t agree with, we allow our differences to separate ourselves from and judge one another. But deep down do we really know why?


Growing up we learn that there are opposing pairs in the world, such as light and dark, good and evil, or love and hate. But what exactly separates them? Some people choose to see the world in black and white while others see in grey. Although both may be correct, there’s certainly a grey area between love and hate that we have trouble seeing. 

When we look at differing beliefs, the divide between love and hate is closer than we think. This is because of the real objective: to get the opposing person on our side. We want to convince our challenger to change their mind so that they’ll understand and agree with our beliefs -thus better understanding us. So when we argue, it’s actually a means of trying to grow the understanding between us.

We all share a hidden hope that we’ll eventually move from a space of hatred into a common ground of acceptance -love. It doesn’t mean that we want to love everyone and have everyone love us. It’s just that we care for and respect our beliefs enough to share them with others, in the hopes that they’ll consider forming a similar belief. So when that doesn’t happen we return to anger -hate. But it’s only because we want their understanding -love.


The connection between love and hate has become misconstrued overtime, thus creating separation and anger between those who disagree. Instead, we need to keep in mind that when we do disagree it’s usually because we expect more. We want them to understand where we’re coming from.

Of course there will still be frustration when others refuse to or can’t see things from our perspective. When this happens we must keep in mind that all we can do is continue to share our beliefs and hope that it resonates with them. We can’t change or force change upon anyone but ourselves. So we should stand behind our word knowing that it’s our truth, and any disagreement won’t affect that.

Black and white photo of two hands coming to touch at the middle

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